Can We Ever Sing From The Same Song Sheet?

Communication Can Be Tough

Recently I sat in a meeting with 6 other people.  We were all adults of slightly different ages, both genders were represented and English was our first language.

Everyone had their say whilst all others listened.   Sometimes it got a little heated, but in a healthy, clear the air sort of way.  The chair of the meeting summarised each point and clarified understanding.   We all left the meeting with transparent objectives, a few relevant tasks to complete and a feeling of satisfaction that it went so well.

A week later the chair spoke to one of the attendees on the phone.  The call was interspersed with “you said blah”, “no I didn’t I said blah blah”, “no way, we all sat there and heard you say it”.  The conversation abruptly ended and more phone calls followed with the other members who all claimed to have heard something different again.  Objectives and tasks were abandoned and everyone was left in limbo.

How could this happen?

The chair did his absolute best to make sure everyone was singing from the same song sheet.  All parties were sure they had understood and were in agreement.

The problem is we can stand in a room full of people, deliver one single, clear presentation and each person would have heard something slightly different.  Why?  Because we are all products of our own unique set of experiences. 

From the beginning of our existence, the very first stimulus that reaches us such as a loud noise, a soothing voice, a touch, we register it so that when the next stimulus comes along we will react according to what we have already experienced.  And then the third stimulus happens and our reaction is dependent on the first two stimuli.  By the time we reach adult hood the calculation is impossible with billions of infinitesimal experiences layer upon layer dictating who we are, what we see, hear and experience.  It is no wonder that a room full of people hears the same information but may interpret it differently.

So how can we deal with this?  Firstly, we need to remember that this is how it is.  There is no point getting cross or frustrated.  Secondly, we need to constantly strive to improve our communication skills even when we think we are good communicators.

Building relationships is key here, so that we are better able to understand how people perceive information.  These interpersonal relationships include asking, listening, being genuinely interested and showing empathy.  We need to build rapport by finding something in common or finding common ground.

Singing from the same song sheet isn’t just about reading the same lyrics and musical notes, it’s also about harmony and it’s this that we need to strive for if we are to be properly understood.